The art of truly listening (and why almost nobody does it)
May 28, 2026 · 6 min · SpeakSim Team
Listening isn't waiting for your turn. Here's how to build the kind of listening that changes both your professional and personal relationships — with 4 levels to practice.
Most people don't listen to understand — they listen to reply. That's Stephen Covey. And it's also why your conversations stay on the surface.
The 4 levels of listening
- Level 1 — Ignoring: sounds, not words.
- Level 2 — Pretending: nodding while thinking of something else.
- Level 3 — Selective: only hearing what concerns you.
- Level 4 — Empathic: hearing the emotion behind the words.
The 3 markers of empathic listening
First, silence — never interrupt. Then, reflection: "If I understand correctly, you…". Finally, the open question: "What struck you the most in that?".
The advice trap
When someone tells us a problem, our reflex is to offer a solution. Mistake. 90% of the time, the other person just wants to be heard. Ask first: "Are you looking for solutions or do you just want to vent?"
The "tell me more" exercise
In your next hard conversation, hold all opinions for five minutes. Just say "Tell me more" three times. You'll watch the conversation deepen on its own.
Why it's rare
Real listening takes energy. Brains process 600 words a minute, speakers produce 150. The surplus turns into distraction. To listen is to tame that surplus.